Reflections of 2017

Romans 8:28

Few minutes more to 2018 and it’s all beginning to make sense.

2017 was a year I suffered a minor health relapse. One week I was ok and the next weekend, I found myself lying on my bed. At times of physical discomfort and pain, the pangs of loneliness hit hardest. There were times when I would just sob in bed and wondered if God has left me too. It came to a point where I cried to God saying I don’t know how much longer I can hold on and telling Him I don’t have mountain moving faith. Then He showed up and revealed to me that it is not about how faithful I am but how Faithful and Good He is. Then I began seeing afresh again… seeing myself healed and even if I don’t see it now, I believe I have been healed.

2017 started with a wedding and ended with a baby shower. Celebrating other people’s blessings while being single and feeling that the whole world has left you behind sucks. To be honest… there were times when I just regretted showing up for someone’s party. Yet by the end of the year, I realised I was finally able to be happy with another person’s blessing.

 Many times in fear, loneliness and despair;  I’ve wondered and asked God where He is, if He has forgotten about me, what’s His take in my current situation (be it job, health or life at large).
I cannot fully describe how my life has been unfolding the past few years. Though it’s far from perfect, one thing I know: God is Good and He loves me.  Thank you Jesus. I’ve had a wonderful year because You are with me.
Few minutes more to 2018 and it’s all beginning to make sense.
Trusting God in times of ill health and fear. Being happy where I am in Life. Celebrating with others while I’m still single and childless. Holding my desires with a loose hand – Letting go and letting Him take control.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
Romans 8:28 NLT

 

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A Stranger’s Prayer

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Would you pray for a total stranger, without being asked to?

Here’s how it happened, for me.

This week, I received an email reply from the secretary of an organisation I was making some enquiries with. I had written in a couple of weeks ago, as the matter was not urgent, I didn’t bother to call up to check. So this email reply is in fact three weeks late.

When I read the first line of the email, something stirred in my heart. It goes ” I’m sorry for the delayed reply as my son was hospitalised.” At that split second, I felt a nudge, but I tried to shove the nudge away with a “self-conversation”, that goes like that:

” Are you sure you want me to do this?… What should I say? Yes I understand her child is sick but how would I know she’s open to it?  Who knows her son may have recovered by now so doing this will be redundant right? .. What if she rejects me out right? …”

After a few minutes which seemed like eternity, I resolved:

” All right, if you really want  me to do this, you need to give me the words. And if this is really it, let her be the first person to pick up the phone when I call her.”

After this, I picked up my phone and dialed the secretary who sent me the email. The line was connected, a sweet sounding lady answered the phone.

” Hello, may I speak to Jenny please?” I asked

“Yes I am” the lady on the other end replied.

“Oh, Hi Jenny. Thank you for your reply. hmm.. actually I’m calling you not to make further enquiries …  hmm … I just feel I need to call you when I saw your email.  You don’t have to tell me what happened to your son if you’re not comfortable to but I’d like to pray for your son right now over the phone. It’ll take just a minute, all you need to do is to stay on the line with me and say Amen together with me.”

“Ok” she replied.

So I said a short prayer on the phone with her.  There was a short silence after we said ‘Amen’. Then her voice came on again:

“Wow, that means alot to me. Thank you.”

“Well, that’s the purpose of my call today. You have a good day.”

“You too” she replied.

And so we hung up. Here I am, trapped at home (feeling rather useless) due to recuperation needed for my own health issues. Yet I felt joyful that even in the midst of my own health issues, God can use me to pray for someone else’s healing – and more so – a total stranger.

I am constantly amazed by my awesome Heavenly Father.

 

Isaiah 55:8

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.


 

 

 

 

 

Recovery: 10 Years Later

BeautyBeyondBones

Sometimes I am really blown away by people.

In a good way.

Not in a Kendall Jenner, Pepsi/Fyre Festival fiasco sort of way…


But in a, wow, how did I get so lucky, kind of way.

My best friend said the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me the other night.

We were sitting at a bar, and she proceeded to floor me with kindness.

And honestly, I’d muuuuch rather be self-deprecating than self-affirming, but I’ve decided to share this with you to show the full circle that God has brought me on.

She looked at me and said, “I’ve finally figured you out.”

And I asked her, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Caralyn, I’ve been your best friend since we were seven, and I’ve seen people just be drawn to you. Attracted to you. And I could never pinpoint what that “it factor” was. But…

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Vertical versus Horizontal

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Horizontally-speaking, life feels rather one-dimensional: hard.

Having a horizontally-challenged perspective is a big part of what makes us human. Too often, the limited perspective makes us believe this moment is all that is and the scene in front of us is all that will ever be.

Of course we know better than that, but at times that’s how it feels.

 

What we need is a vertical perspective when we’re waiting for something life-changing. We need assurance there’s an end in sight when we’re going through something heart-breaking. We need faith in a sovereign God when we’re called on to suffer.

God promises a future and a hope. He promises sustaining grace for every trial. He promises His presence with you—as close as your heartbeat and as near as your breath. He promises to never leave you. And never to walk away.

So today, allow God to take away your fear of the unknown and replace it with a calm, quiet confidence. He knows the path of your life from a thousand feet as well as the route that you take on your way to work today.

So, if you’re struggling today, it’s going to be OK. And if it’s not OK yet, then it’s not the end.

Job 23:10: “But [God] knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.”

You may not see it, but . . . the best is yet to be.