Emotional Abuse

 

FRED et marie (English subtitles) from fredetmarie on Vimeo.

 

When we think about abuse in a relationship, we often think of bruised faces, scars on arms and legs.  What we commonly think of or are more familiar with is physical abuse.  There are many forms of abuse and any form of abuse is cruel.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional (or psychological) abuse is not obvious, it is subtle. Quite often even the victim does not recognize that he/ she is being abused.  Although emotional abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to the self-esteem and will of the person being abused.

Physical abuse scars a person’s body but emotional abuse scars a person’s soul.  Often, physical abuse is accompanied or follows emotional abuse.  Emotional battering is used to wear the victim down – often over a long period of time – to cause so much confusion to the person abused so as to undermine his/ her self-concept, to a point that he/ she is willing to take responsibility for the abuser’s actions and behaviour towards him/her or simply just accept it.

Just as there are many forms of physical abuse, there are many varieties of psychological abuse.  They include isolation, crazy-making, verbal abuse, belittling and other humiliating or degrading behaviours.  Though the abusive behaviours may not be easily recognisable by themselves, they are readily identified by recognising the effects they have on the person being abused.

Emotional abuse has the aim of control and dominance. If a person constantly feels as though his/ her feelings, needs, opinions are being devalued, are given no credence, chances are the person is experiencing some form of emotional abuse.

The long term result of emotional and psychological abuse leaves the victim feeling confused, unsure of his/her own judgement and ability to make decisions, sometimes even to the extent of believing that he/ she is going crazy.  Accompanied by these are often low self-esteem, as the victim’s own needs and opinions are often put down, criticised or disregarded.  Depression and even suicidal thoughts set in as the victim feels so trapped in the situation (especially in a close relationship).  Ironically, the victim is often being made blamed for the abuser’s bad behaviours and hence may experience a deep sense of shame and guilt.

Emotional abuse is controlling and wields an invisible prison that keeps the victim in bondage.  In many cases, the victim would have been so manipulated in their thoughts to even recognise that they are being threatened or controlled.  Over extended periods of time, the victim loses all sense of self-direction, self-will, self-confidence and eventually becomes dependent to the abuser and does everything to please/pacify the abuser.  This then perpetuates the vicious cycle of abuse and the abuser gets to keep his dominance over the victim.

Emotional abuse is such a subtle form of control and domination which leaves no visible marks, yet has a profound effect on the emotional and mental well being of the victim.  Victims often feel trapped and so emotionally hurt but cannot point a finger as what is wrong.  Many people have found that once the emotional abuse is no longer effective, physical violence follows.  Many victims suffer in silence – the repressed emotions which left unaddressed often manifest in ill health.

If you or anyone you know is in some form of abuse, please seek help immediately.  Do not make the mistake of thinking that the problem will get better or be resolved with time.  Value yourself and your loved ones enough to stand up for your own right.

The Freedom Programme© in the UK is particularly good at showing up all the myriads of ways in which emotional abuse is used within abusive relationship.  To find out more, check out the Freedom Programme.

 

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The Best Christmas Present

christmas wish

Christmas is here again, carols, jingle bells, gifts, gatherings and dinners.  Gift exchanges are the norm, with friends and family.  We all have many wants in life, a new watch, a new dress, a new designer handbag or even wealth, fame, fortune, popularity…  I know I’m guilty of these secret wishes some times.

This year, Christmas has been exceptionally quiet for me.  No loud parties, no flashy gifts, no trendy dresses, no luxurious toiletries set, no fancy jewelry, no chocolates, nothing.

But I’m not complaining – for I know I’ve received the best gift of all:  To have my mum back from surgery, safe and sound.  She had not been in good health and feared going for operation.  Although we may not be on the best of terms all the time, growing up, I was antagonistic and always the rebellious one, deep down, I was really worried for her health and the risks.   Nonetheless I’m glad she went through with it and am recovering now.  Hopefully, she’ll be cancer free in the coming years.

I hope this is not too much to ask for for now.

Become Unbreakable: More Personal Resilience 1

How much better would your life be if you were unbreakable? If you knew that no matter what happened that you would survive and persevere — and that maybe you’d even come out a little better?

We cannot escape pain, difficulty, failure, tragedy, and heartache.
Sooner or later it will find us despite our best efforts to protect ourselves. Instead of trying to bob and weave what life throws at us, I’d rather have the comfort of knowing that I can take life’s best shot and be able to get back up and move forward. To me, that’s empowerment. Having that kind of personal fortitude and resilience is a game changer. Instead of being dogged by fear and uncertainty, you will have inner peace and confidence that you will survive.

resilience,unbreakable,reubber bands,strength,personal

resilience,unbreakable,reubber bands,strength,personal

The American Psychological Association (APA) focused their research on resilience after the tragic events of 9/11. Resilience, according to the APA, is the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, and from sources of stress such as work pressures, health, family or relationship problems. They found that a resilient person is not only able to handle the crisis of the moment more effectively, but that they are also able to recover and get back on their feet more quickly.
According to the APA, you can create more personal resilience with these ten tips:

1. Make connections. Personal resilience doesn’t mean it’s all up to you. Having good relationships with close family members, friends, or others is critical to resilience and well-being. When tragedy strikes, the worst thing you can do is avoid friends and loved ones. Start cultivating your relationships today, so when you need support, you have a whole network of people to help.

2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. Don’t fall into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking, which says that everything is either perfect or terrible. There are always shades of gray. Focus less on the past and more on the future you want. Also, look for exceptions. In Solution Focused Therapy, exceptions are those times when the problem is gone or at least not as bad. Are there times in the current crisis you’re your problems don’t feel so insurmountable?

3. Accept that change is a part of living. Know that whatever you’re going through others have experienced before. You are not alone — change, in whatever form, is a natural part of life.
Being unbreakable doesn’t mean that you can’t cry or need to act tough or mask your feelings by putting on a happy face. Being unbreakable means you give yourself the freedom to break, knowing you have the tools to put yourself back together again.

Are you ready to create more money, time, energy, and passion in your life?

For more tips …

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Learn This Secret to Boost Your Confidence 2

You are not the center of the universe.
Nobody really cares about your every move.
Nobody is watching, and if they happen to be, they are far less concerned with what you are doing and much more focused on what YOU are thinking about them.

That’s the irony of this.
You think you are so important that everyone cares what you do, when in fact, everyone is so preoccupied with themselves that they don’t even notice or care what you are doing.

Nobody cares about you. Furthermore, nobody thinks about you, watches you, keeps track of what you’re wearing, or notices the words you mispronounce.
And yes, this is wonderful news! Why? Nearly all of us, nearly all the time, are deathly afraid we’ll say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or just generally look like a complete idiot. Think you’re different?

And while this realization that you are not the center of everyone’s universe may depress you initially, I hope you’ll find that it is actually a huge blessing in disguise.
Why? It’s lets you take chances without fear of judgment.
You can raise your hand, speak your mind, share your ideas, and take bold risks without (significant) consequences.

And here’s the interesting part . . . the second you realize there is no imaginary audience critiquing your every move and the less you care what others think, the more freedom you’ll have to do your best work.

Of course, once you start doing your best work, that imaginary audience might not be in your head — people might then actually start to notice you . . .

Are you ready to create more money, time, energy, and passion in your life? Learn how to live your best life now with these free resources:
Get the “Achieving Peak Performance” ebook and video now! (free for a limited time)

You can also join a community of passionate people at Richer Life who want to achieve more in life and at work. With your free membership, you can participate in conversations I have with experts, celebrities, authors, and thought leaders that are laser-focused on practical ways to drive more money, motivation, and meaning into your life. Take the first step toward creating a better life by joining Richer Life for free now!

Follow daily motiva at
http://twitter.com/#!/dailymotiva
https://selfinspiration.wordpress.com/
http://bizture.com/

Learn This Secret to Boost Your Confidence 1

Nearly all of us, nearly all the time, are deathly afraid we’ll say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or just generally look like a complete idiot.

Think you’re different?

I think to some degree, all of us have this fear of constantly being watched, criticized, and judged. It might motivate a few to do their best work, but for most, this haunting belief that we always have to be “on” can be paralyzing.

In fact, psychologists use the term “imaginary audience” to describe this heightened state of vigilance that is especially strong during adolescence.

An imaginary audience is this belief that we have a group or followers that are watching, dissecting, and judging our every move. But the keyword here is “imagined.”

Are you ready to create more money, time, energy, and passion in your life? Learn how to live your best life now with these free resources:
Get the “Achieving Peak Performance” ebook and video now! (free for a limited time)

You can also join a community of passionate people at Richer Life who want to achieve more in life and at work. With your free membership, you can participate in conversations I have with experts, celebrities, authors, and thought leaders that are laser-focused on practical ways to drive more money, motivation, and meaning into your life. Take the first step toward creating a better life by joining Richer Life for free now!