Emotional Abuse

 

FRED et marie (English subtitles) from fredetmarie on Vimeo.

 

When we think about abuse in a relationship, we often think of bruised faces, scars on arms and legs.  What we commonly think of or are more familiar with is physical abuse.  There are many forms of abuse and any form of abuse is cruel.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional (or psychological) abuse is not obvious, it is subtle. Quite often even the victim does not recognize that he/ she is being abused.  Although emotional abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to the self-esteem and will of the person being abused.

Physical abuse scars a person’s body but emotional abuse scars a person’s soul.  Often, physical abuse is accompanied or follows emotional abuse.  Emotional battering is used to wear the victim down – often over a long period of time – to cause so much confusion to the person abused so as to undermine his/ her self-concept, to a point that he/ she is willing to take responsibility for the abuser’s actions and behaviour towards him/her or simply just accept it.

Just as there are many forms of physical abuse, there are many varieties of psychological abuse.  They include isolation, crazy-making, verbal abuse, belittling and other humiliating or degrading behaviours.  Though the abusive behaviours may not be easily recognisable by themselves, they are readily identified by recognising the effects they have on the person being abused.

Emotional abuse has the aim of control and dominance. If a person constantly feels as though his/ her feelings, needs, opinions are being devalued, are given no credence, chances are the person is experiencing some form of emotional abuse.

The long term result of emotional and psychological abuse leaves the victim feeling confused, unsure of his/her own judgement and ability to make decisions, sometimes even to the extent of believing that he/ she is going crazy.  Accompanied by these are often low self-esteem, as the victim’s own needs and opinions are often put down, criticised or disregarded.  Depression and even suicidal thoughts set in as the victim feels so trapped in the situation (especially in a close relationship).  Ironically, the victim is often being made blamed for the abuser’s bad behaviours and hence may experience a deep sense of shame and guilt.

Emotional abuse is controlling and wields an invisible prison that keeps the victim in bondage.  In many cases, the victim would have been so manipulated in their thoughts to even recognise that they are being threatened or controlled.  Over extended periods of time, the victim loses all sense of self-direction, self-will, self-confidence and eventually becomes dependent to the abuser and does everything to please/pacify the abuser.  This then perpetuates the vicious cycle of abuse and the abuser gets to keep his dominance over the victim.

Emotional abuse is such a subtle form of control and domination which leaves no visible marks, yet has a profound effect on the emotional and mental well being of the victim.  Victims often feel trapped and so emotionally hurt but cannot point a finger as what is wrong.  Many people have found that once the emotional abuse is no longer effective, physical violence follows.  Many victims suffer in silence – the repressed emotions which left unaddressed often manifest in ill health.

If you or anyone you know is in some form of abuse, please seek help immediately.  Do not make the mistake of thinking that the problem will get better or be resolved with time.  Value yourself and your loved ones enough to stand up for your own right.

The Freedom Programme© in the UK is particularly good at showing up all the myriads of ways in which emotional abuse is used within abusive relationship.  To find out more, check out the Freedom Programme.

 

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Get Over Your Life – It Doesn’t Have to Be Miserable 4

Your Life Needs a Leader

The reason why it seems as though your life is so out of control is that it doesn’t have a leader. Lead your life starting now.
You’ll start to see how much better it feels to be in control of what happens every day. How much more you can get done. How good it feels not to feel like the world is fighting against you.

It’s time to step out of misery and into happiness. You deserve this after everything you’ve been through.

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd is the founder of Achieve Brilliance Life Coaching, empowering professional women to achieve success in business and life. Learn more about how life coaching services can help you succeed on the Achieve Brilliance website.

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Get Over Your Life – It Doesn’t Have to Be Miserable 3

Change Yourself When You Can’t Change Others

So you can’t always change other people or the world around you, so in this case, you’ll have to change the way you react. The good news is that many times, people will change the way they act when you change the way you react.

Follow these steps to change your reaction to your world:
1. When someone makes you upset, express that the topic of conversation upsets you, offer to change the topic, and if that doesn’t work, end the conversation.
2. Guests with boundary issues should be confronted with an expression of your needs such as, “I need time to get ready for your arrival.” with a follow up request such as, “Will you please call me a day or two ahead of time next time?”
3. Do not feed people who insult you with comebacks or satisfy them with your discontent. Instead, smile and express your self-approval and love by saying nothing or saying, “I am sorry but I disagree with your opinion.”
4. Stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself. You can’t make everyone happy all of the time. So stop trying because all you’ll do is disappoint yourself in the end. You don’t need that. As long as you make yourself proud, you’ll always be happy.
5. When you feel unhappy with something in your life, make a change to ease that unhappiness. If you feel guilty about something, do what you feel guilty about so you don’t feel guilty anymore. As long as you learn to listen to your inner self, you’ll be giving yourself what you need and making yourself happy.
Marcelina Hardy, MSEd is the founder of Achieve Brilliance Life Coaching, empowering professional women to achieve success in business and life. Learn more about how life coaching services can help you succeed on the Achieve Brilliance website.

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Get Over Your Life – It Doesn’t Have to Be Miserable 2

Attack, Squash and Move On

Bad things happen to everyone. No one is immune to that. The differences between people who are happy and miserable people are that happy ones know what to do when something bad happens.
They attack it, like a vulture on prey.

As soon as something look like it’s about to go awry they are on top of it to squash it.

If they aren’t able to stop the crisis from happening, they do everything in their power to control every part of it until it’s resolved. They take it over and do whatever they have to do to resolve it. Once it’s resolved, they take a deep breath, relax and move on with a smile.

So what does it feel like after an accomplishment like that? Image yourself conquering a crisis with control and strength. Now you know can take on anything life wants to throw your way. You are ready.

Remove the Problem Source
Does life keep slapping you in the face from the same direction? In other words, is there someone or something that’s causing you problems?

Find the origin of your problems to either fix it or eliminate it. If it’s a relationship, you might have to talk to the person about her behavior or make changes to your environment.

The point of this life change is to identify the source of why you are miserable and make a change instead of just living with it. Remember, don’t subject yourself to living like this – make a change.

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd is the founder of Achieve Brilliance Life Coaching, empowering professional women to achieve success in business and life. Learn more about how life coaching services can help you succeed on the Achieve Brilliance website.

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Get Over Your Life – It Doesn’t Have to Be Miserable 1

Is life slapping you in the face every time you turn around?
Don’t stand there and turn the other cheek.

You don’t have to be miserable forever. You can change your life and have an awesome one.

You can have a life in which you smile every morning and feel excitement to start the new day. You can have happiness and fun. No longer fearing what aggravation will wait for you.

Instead of flying off the handle every time something bad happens, you could take it all in stride. Imagine – sighing, picking up the pieces, putting things back in order and move on as if nothing happened. How good does that sound?

If you’re sick of living life as a human punching bag, make some positive changes that will last a lifetime. You could finally be one of those people you hate to be around, the ones that seem to be happy all the time.

How is that they are always like that, anyway? You’re about to find out a few of their secrets. Read the next installment of this 4-part series to find out more.

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd is the founder of Achieve Brilliance Life Coaching, empowering professional women to achieve success in business and life. Learn more about how life coaching services can help you succeed on the Achieve Brilliance website.

follow me at

http://bizture.com/index.php?do=/macie/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Daily-Inspiration-For-Personal-Development/126209916297

https://selfinspiration.wordpress.com/

https://twitter.com/#!/dailymotiva

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