The Beauty of Trials

ankora-bay-easter-island-rainbow-935-1362427568

 

 

Are you in that time and space where …

the nights just seem so long,

the winter just seems to drag on,

the rough patch just got rougher,

Are you in a difficult lot in life right now?  Wandering and wondering …

Why is this happening to me?

This isn’t fair!

How can I carry on?

What will my future be?

 

Much as we hate it, life has its ups and downs: disappointments and betrayals, broken relationships, creditors on the door, lost a job, lost a home, lost a loved-one. For some people, it may have seemed like it’s an all-time low or that the roller-coaster is never coming back up.  Trying times like these leave us hurt, frustrated, anxiety-filled and even depressed.

In the darkest of my nights, tears just rolled down; the grieve was so deep, no words can describe.  During these deepest moments of despair, I cried out, desperately to Jesus and guess what – He met me there!

There and then, He called my name and told me ‘to let go of the past’ and that ‘He is there for me’ and ‘He is enough for me’.  Through it all, I’ve learnt that He loves me more than I can ever imagine and He is always there with me.

So then, why the suffering and pain? I’ve learnt much from these trying times, how to forgive some people and rejoice with others, how to be content with what I have and quit complaining, how to feel for people, how to give and receive love.

Just like there’s no victory without a battle, no rainbow without the rain, no dawn without dusk (and we know the darkest hour lies just before dawn) – There can be no growth without pain.

When life gets overwhelming, everything can seem to crash in together simultaneously, leaving you with no room to breathe. This is when you need to breathe in the air of Jesus – cry out to Him. He will come and hold you, heal and love you, and take you through this season.  He’s been there for me, I’m sure He’ll be there for you.

 

Whatever your circumstances, know that God is working behind the scene, 24 x 7.

Whatever happens know that God has not left you.

It may not be what we expect but then again, how would He be God if He always meets our expectations?

Nonetheless He will bring you to a flourishing end and it will be more beautiful than what you can imagine.

 


Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

James 1:2-3

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Emotional Abuse

 

FRED et marie (English subtitles) from fredetmarie on Vimeo.

 

When we think about abuse in a relationship, we often think of bruised faces, scars on arms and legs.  What we commonly think of or are more familiar with is physical abuse.  There are many forms of abuse and any form of abuse is cruel.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional (or psychological) abuse is not obvious, it is subtle. Quite often even the victim does not recognize that he/ she is being abused.  Although emotional abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to the self-esteem and will of the person being abused.

Physical abuse scars a person’s body but emotional abuse scars a person’s soul.  Often, physical abuse is accompanied or follows emotional abuse.  Emotional battering is used to wear the victim down – often over a long period of time – to cause so much confusion to the person abused so as to undermine his/ her self-concept, to a point that he/ she is willing to take responsibility for the abuser’s actions and behaviour towards him/her or simply just accept it.

Just as there are many forms of physical abuse, there are many varieties of psychological abuse.  They include isolation, crazy-making, verbal abuse, belittling and other humiliating or degrading behaviours.  Though the abusive behaviours may not be easily recognisable by themselves, they are readily identified by recognising the effects they have on the person being abused.

Emotional abuse has the aim of control and dominance. If a person constantly feels as though his/ her feelings, needs, opinions are being devalued, are given no credence, chances are the person is experiencing some form of emotional abuse.

The long term result of emotional and psychological abuse leaves the victim feeling confused, unsure of his/her own judgement and ability to make decisions, sometimes even to the extent of believing that he/ she is going crazy.  Accompanied by these are often low self-esteem, as the victim’s own needs and opinions are often put down, criticised or disregarded.  Depression and even suicidal thoughts set in as the victim feels so trapped in the situation (especially in a close relationship).  Ironically, the victim is often being made blamed for the abuser’s bad behaviours and hence may experience a deep sense of shame and guilt.

Emotional abuse is controlling and wields an invisible prison that keeps the victim in bondage.  In many cases, the victim would have been so manipulated in their thoughts to even recognise that they are being threatened or controlled.  Over extended periods of time, the victim loses all sense of self-direction, self-will, self-confidence and eventually becomes dependent to the abuser and does everything to please/pacify the abuser.  This then perpetuates the vicious cycle of abuse and the abuser gets to keep his dominance over the victim.

Emotional abuse is such a subtle form of control and domination which leaves no visible marks, yet has a profound effect on the emotional and mental well being of the victim.  Victims often feel trapped and so emotionally hurt but cannot point a finger as what is wrong.  Many people have found that once the emotional abuse is no longer effective, physical violence follows.  Many victims suffer in silence – the repressed emotions which left unaddressed often manifest in ill health.

If you or anyone you know is in some form of abuse, please seek help immediately.  Do not make the mistake of thinking that the problem will get better or be resolved with time.  Value yourself and your loved ones enough to stand up for your own right.

The Freedom Programme© in the UK is particularly good at showing up all the myriads of ways in which emotional abuse is used within abusive relationship.  To find out more, check out the Freedom Programme.

 

Retrospection

thankful

 

 

As we look back at the year, let’s not look back in anger,

neither should we look back in defeat.

Instead look back with gratitude.

Be thankful for the afflictions, for they have made your heart stronger.

Be thankful for the betrayals, for they have made your eyes brighter.

Be thankful for the struggles, for they have made your will tougher.

Be thankful for all of life’s insights for they have made your mind free-er.

For a phoenix cannot rise up from the flames without first being burned to the ground.

So let’s retrospect with thanks and prospect with hope for 2014 !

 

Maslow’s Self-Actualisation Theory

For the Psychology inclined, dig this:

 

The fulfillment of one’s potential, or self-actualisation is regarded to be critical to psychological well-being and optimal mental health (Rogers, 1959).  Maslow proposed that self-actualisation is achieveable only when basic needs (physiological needs, safety needs, belongingness and love needs, esteem needs) are fulfilled.  According to Maslow, self-actualisation includes being reality-focused, problem-focused, opened to experiences, receptive of self and others and autonomous (ruled by own values).  Self-actualised people may show negative attributes including stubbornness and detachment (Maslow, 1943).

In a study that investigated personality characteristics which correlate with self-actualisation.   Self-actualisation correlated negatively neuroticism but positively with extraversion, openness, agreeableness and conscientiousness.  All correlations were significant.  Self-actualisation is an important concept within humanistic personality theories.  These theories believe that everyone has the capacity to develop their full potential and achieve self-actualisation (which is important to psychological health).  Hence, the focus is on helping people become more competent and achieve optimal mental health (Rogers, 1959).  In this light, further understanding of self-actualisation will be useful in counseling settings as psychologists help clients advance towards optimal mental health.

 

Further Reading

 

References

Chan, R., & Joseph, S.  (2000).  Dimensions of personality, domains of aspiration, and

subjective well-being.  Personality and Individual Differences, 28(2), 347-354.

Costa, P.T., & McCrae, R.R. (1980). Influence of extraversion and neuroticism on subjective

well-being: Happy and unhappy people. Journal of Personality and Social

Psychology, 38, 668–678.

Costa, P.T., & McCrae, R.R. (1992). Revised NEO Personality Inventory (NEOPI-R) and

NEO Five Factor Inventory (NEO-FFI).Odessa, FL: Psychological Assessment

Resources.

Costa, P.T., McCrae, R.R., & Dye, D.A.  (1991).  Facet scales for agreeableness and

conscientiousness: A revision of the NEO Personality Inventory.  Personality and

Individual Differences, 12(9), 887-898.

Dahl, R.J., Wakefield, J.A., Kimlicka, T.M., & Wiedersteik, M.   (1983).  How the

personality dimensions of neuroticism, extraversion and psychoticism relate to self-

actualisation.  Personality and Individual Differences, 4(6), 683-685.

DeNeve, K., & Cooper, H. (1998). The happy personality: A meta-analysis of 137 personality

traits and subjective wellbeing.  Psychological Bulletin, 124, 197–229.

Draguns, J.G., Krylova, A.V., Oryol, V.E., Rukavishnikov, A.A., & Martin, T.A.  (2000). 

Personality characteristics of the Nentsy in the Russian arctic: A comparison with

ethnic Russians by means of NEO-PI-R and POI.  American Behavioral Scientist,

44(1), 126-140.

Hayes, N., & Joseph, S.  (2003).  Big 5 correlates of three measures of subjective well-being.

Personality and Individual Differences, 34, 723–727.

Heylighen, F.  (1992).  A cognitive-systemic reconstruction of Maslow’s theory of self-

actualisation.  Behavioral Science, 37, 39-57.

Jensen-Campbell, L.A., & Graziano, W.G. (2001). Agreeableness as a moderator of

interpersonal conflict.  Journal of Personality, 69, 323- 361.

Jones, A., & Crandall, R.  (1986). Validation of a short index of self-actualization.

Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 12, 63-73.

Knapp, R.R.  (1965).  Relationship of a measure of self-actualisation to neuroticism and

extraversion. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 29, 168-172.

Lolla, D. (1974). An operationalization and validation of the Maslow need hierarchy.

Educational and Psychological Measurement, 34, 639-651.

Luyckx, K., Soenens, B., & Goossens, L.  (2006).  The personality-identity interplay in

emerging adult women: Convergent findings from complementary analyses.

European Journal of Personality, 20, 195-215.

Maslow, A.H. (1943).  A theory of human motivation.  Psychological Review, 50, 370-396.

Maslow, A.H.  (1954).  Motivation and Personality.  NY: Harper.

Maslow, A. (1968). Toward a Psychology of Being (2nd ed.).  NY: Van Nostrand Reinhold.

Maslow, A. (1971). The Farther Reaches of Human Nature. NY: Penguin.

McCrae, R.R., & Costa, P.T. (1983). Joint factors in self-reports and ratings: Neuroticism,

extraversion and openness to experience. Personality and Individual Differences,

4(3), 245-255.

Pettit, J., & Vaught, B.C.  (1984).  Self-actualisation and interpersonal capability in

organizations.  Journal of Business Communication, 21(3), 33-40.

Rogers, C.R. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships, as

developed in the client-centered framework. In S. Koch (Ed.), Psychology: A study of

a Science. Vol. 3: Formulations of the person and the social context (pp. 185-256).

NY: McGraw-Hill.

 

Shostrom, E.L. (1964). An inventory for the measurement of self-actualisation. Educational

and Psychological Measurement, 24, 207-218.

Spielberger, C.D. (1972). Anxiety: Current trends in theory and research: I. NY: Academic

Press.

Stöber, J.  (2003).  Self-pity: Exploring the links to personality, control beliefs, and anger.

Journal of Personality, 71(2), 183-220.

Sumerlin, J.R. (1995). Adaptation to homelessness: Self-actualisation, loneliness, and

depression in street homeless men. Psychological Reports, 77, 295-314.

Sumerlin, J.R., & Bundrick, C.M.  (1996).   Brief index of self-actualisation: A measure of

Maslow’s model.  Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 11(2), 253-271.

Sumerlin, J. R., & Bundrick, C. M. (1998). Revision of the brief index of self-actualisation.

Perceptual and Motor Skills, 87, 115-125.

Wilkins, W.E., Hjelle, L.A., & Thompson, M.  (1977).  Anxiety and actualisation: A

reconceptualization.  Journal of Clinical Psychology, 33(4), 1001-1005.

 

A Great Salesperson Can Sell Anything! Really?? Part 3

By Bernie O’Donnell

There is absolutely no basis for the adage that “great salespeople can sell anything.” Nor is there a basis for the unqualified premise that “the best predictor of future performance is past performance.” It all depends on the degree to which your environment mirrors that in which the salesperson has been most successful.

As a manager with IBM quite a few years back, I had people from two sales divisions on my team. One group sold copiers and office equipment in a tough, price-sensitive, low-loyalty market where decisions tended to be made relatively quickly. The other sold complex, multi-million dollar computer systems with a long sell cycle.

Both teams were highly successful, but if they swapped territories, I would have been out of business.

Forget about finding that great salesperson who can sell anything to anyone. Focus on finding a salesperson who will be great at selling your products and services to your target market using your sales process, all while projecting the image you want to create in the marketplace.

That means exploring Expertise, Traits and Character. The 9 Territory Casting Factors™ will help you assess the Expertise piece of the human puzzle.

Don’t Forget To Follow Dailymotiva on Twitter!
http://love-psychology-wellness.blogspot.com/
https://selfinspiration.wordpress.com/
http://bizture.com