I shouted “Why!”
He assured “Trust Me.”
I retorted “Why me?”
He replied “Because you’re my beloved.”
I cried “It’s too painful, I’m so alone! I can’t make it!”
He reminded gently “I’ve borne every rejection, betrayal, heartbreak, injustice, I understand.”
Overtaken by a rush of emotions as I recall His sacrifice at Calvary, I whispered between tears “I love you, I love you, I love you Jesus!”
He replied, touching my head “I love you too, which was why I had to die on the cross – for you. I have loved you with an everlasting Love.
a Love that is timeless, it knows no beginning or ending.
a Love that is eternal, it is perpetual, indefinite, infinite.
a Love that is constant, it is invariable, imperishable, indestructible.
And I will never leave you or forsake you.
Jeremiah 31:3 – The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
Are you lonely?
Do you feel left out, rejected, alone?
Loneliness feels so cold yet stings like a hot scorching flame.
I know too well the pain of loneliness. The feeling that gnaws you and injects such immense pain into your soul that you wish you could just be free from it right away. It was so bad that I often cried to God to remove the pain, the deep-seated loneliness in my heart.
But The Lord didn’t take my pain away, no matter how much I pleaded.
He is using it to refine my life, just as fire purifies gold (Malachi 3:3).
Loneliness became a reminder of the cross, the sacrifice of my own desires for those of the Lord. That I should lose my life, lose myself for Him – to die to myself – which is utterly tormenting. So I start embracing the cross and the death of myself. I keep telling God to – have His way in me – that He is the centre of my life.
Every time I proclaim that, I felt a whole new strength, to carry on.
I finally realized that life wasn’t about my desires, but it was about showing the love of Christ to others.
The pain I am going through allowed me to identify with others’ pain. I can fully and totally feel first hand how it is to live through the pain of loneliness, rejection, abandonment, disappointments and broken relationships.
To anyone going through any of these, I understand it is not easy. In fact, that is such an understatement. But I truly understand how it feels now.
There is a saying that goes “Someone needs to go through hell to get the keys to unlock the prison to set others free”. Perhaps, we will get there one day. For now, everyday, I pray for strength to keep the faith and that this loneliness will cause me to fall deeper in love with Jesus. Till the day, if it may come, that God decides that I’ve passed this test.
It was a normal summer Saturday morning. Ok, perhaps not so normal perhaps, as I had to drag myself out of bed and travel halfway across the other side of town to meet a prospective client.
It was one of those days in which I wished I should have gotten ready faster and left the house earlier. Which is why I agreed immediately when my dear sister (although we’ve much sibling rivalry at times) happily volunteered to give me a lift as she was heading out. She dropped me halfway to my client’s place so I could take a bus to my destination. To cut the story short, I was well on my way, arrived at the bus stop and after a few minutes the bus came.
Upon boarding the bus, I immediately noticed an empty seat beside an old lady at the front. I smiled to her, she smiled back and I plonked myself down right beside her. She’s dressed very prettily in a dress, silver white hair elegant combed back. The wrinkles on her face and arm tells me that she’s probably around the ripe old age of 90 (I think).
Before I realised how rude I was to be staring at her, she started talking to me. She introduced herself as Florence (First thing I thought of was Florence Nightingale and wondered if she was ever a nurse). And of course I told her my name. Then we carried on with our mini conversation as below :
Old Lady : Oh isn’t it a lovely sunny day?
Me: Well, yes it’s indeed a sunny day (hmm.. so much so for weather talk, it sure is sunny but I’m not sure about the lovely part)
Old Lady: Are you in a hurry Macy?
Me: Yes, in fact, I’m rushing for an appointment.
Old Lady: I am going to the Church just round the next corner, I thought you might be interested to come with me. But, well, since you’re in a hurry today, I want you to have this ( speaking which she reached into her handbag and wanted to pass me a Christian flyer).
Me: (I said smiling), I’m a believer too.
Old Lady: Oh, really ! Praise the Lord (she’s smiling so widely with a sparkle in her eyes). You know God is Good. In life there’ll be ups and
downs, sometimes you may find yourself in a muddy pit. Don’t be discouraged, God will pull you out of the pit.
At this point, my spirit immediately felt comforted, yet I was close to tears.
Flashback to the night before, I really don’t feel like coming to this part of town but had no choice as the appointment had been fixed (and afterall, the client always wins). This was a place with many memories of a past relationship. I remembered even praying to God before bed the night before to grant me strength and peace in my heart.
The next thing I knew, the old Lady spoke again
Old Lady: Macy, can we pray for a while?
I nodded my head.
Old Lady: Dear Father, thank you for Macy and I pray that you’ll keep her and bless her. Amen.
After the prayer, she said goodbye (still with that sparkle in her eyes) and got down the bus.
And although this old granny is a complete stranger, it was one of the most wonderfully short and sweet prayer I’ve ever had someone said with me. The morning started out a little grey for me but meeting the old lady just lifted my spirits up. Though we only spoke for a while, and I don’t even know her, I felt so divine! Amazingly, I felt God’s presence with me. It’s such a peaceful and comforting feeling that I can’t explain.
Moreover, the old lady is so full of joy and life at her age!! That spirit and sparkle in her eyes is something that makes me really say ‘Wow’ , almost like being star struck (or even better). She’s just so inspiring.
I believe she must have been sent by God. How wonderous ! How marvelous !
Very often, we ask God to speak to us, give us visions, reveal to us in dreams. But somehow, I think today God chose to speak to me through a lovely old granny.
I will always treasure this wonderful memory in my heart. Perhaps, one day when I’m that old, God will still use me to encourage some younger woman out there feeling down and out and lonely, to remind her that she’s never alone, that her beloved Father in heaven is watching over her with Love.
Romans 8:39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.